Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize