After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
