Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He felt like a one man threesome
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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