my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
