Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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