Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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