We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's never too late to be topless.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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