OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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