Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How does one acquire holy water?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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