theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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