I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
