It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
