Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
