i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
