oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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