Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
