nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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