Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
