She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
