My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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