its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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