if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I believe in your delicious
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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