It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just cropdusted the office
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize