I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
