Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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