Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am midnight drunk by noon
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
