So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
