She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
don't judge my taste in strippers
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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