She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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