I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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