She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
