I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
