If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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