Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
