But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
