Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
