Small penises have feelings too.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
