So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
