Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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