If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
