you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize