i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Who died my cat blue again?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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