apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Randomize
