A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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