no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
