I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Boobs are out for the taking
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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