Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
