These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
