I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize