is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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