I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
