i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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