It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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