I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
