if you like me you must not know who I am
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
