I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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