I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize