Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
