you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
His hands were made for my vagina.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize