FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
