I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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