Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
