...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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