Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
