k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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