They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
