I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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